Introduction

The image of a parent explicitly teaching a child step-by-step problem-solving is appealing, yet the reality captured in community dialogues across Uganda reveals a far more organic, powerful, and often challenging process as they attempt to mold their children & adolescents into problem solvers for the 21^st century world. Action for Life skills and Values in East Africa (ALiVE)-an initiative of the Regional Education Learning Initiative Africa (RELI-Africa) is spearheading this crucial parental engagement drive, recognising that the most profound lessons children and adolescents (aged 4-17) absorb about navigating life's complexities come not only from formal instruction, but also from observing how the adults around them, especially parents; tackle challenges themselves. Dialogue insights running from 26^th- 31^st May 2025 in Sheema (Western Uganda), Tororo (Eastern Uganda), Oyam (Northern Uganda), and Kampala (Central Uganda); paint a vivid picture of this vital, often underappreciated, aspect of nurturing resilient young minds.

The Core of Modeling: Making Thoughts Visible

At its core, modeling problem-solving means parents visibly demonstrating how they think and act when faced with difficulties. It’s about making the internal process external and observable. In Kampala's Bunga community, a distressing situation emerged where one mother shared her ordeal when rumors swirled about her missing secondary three school daughter being pregnant. Instead of lashing out, she sought facts, culminating in discovering her daughter was hospitalised for an unrelated illness. Her calm investigation modeled critical thinking and resilience. Starkly juxtaposed was another mother, who declared she would immediately beat and disown her daughter based on such rumors - in this case modeling reactive anger and rejection. The long-term damage of the latter approach would be a case of messing your daughter's future underpinned by a rumour. This urban setting underscored how high-stakes in social pressures amplify the need for calm and rational modeling. Similarly, a Kampala father described involving his children in household repairs, and not just fixing things himself: "I call my children to observe, so that in future if they come across a similar situation, they can help themselves." This deliberate inclusion transforms mundane tasks into powerful learning moments.

Modeling in Action: Daily Survival and Values

The dialogues reveal that modeling extends beyond crisis management into daily survival and values. In rural Oyam, Akongatar community, parents demonstrated practical skill-building intertwined with work ethic. A mother tasked her Primary three (3) child with selling Sesame seeds, noting that; “while the child learned how to measure, providing the correct change proved challenging, requiring the child to ask for guidance." This hands-on approach modeled financial problem-solving. In another context, a parent described a budgeting practice in which she gave her children some money and allowed them to budget it themselves. This exercise was successful, demonstrating her children’s ability to solve the budgeting 'puzzle' on their own. The dialogue group activities and sharing-additionally emphasised integrating technical skills like construction and farming alongside academics. "Teaching a child not only school knowledge but also practical technical skills e.g., construction, cooking, farming." In here, the “how” crucially mattered. Parents committed to teaching "without alcohol," "with love," and "together as a couple" – thus modeling collaboration itself as a problem-solving tool.

(On left): Parents in Oyam district community organised by FICH and (On right) are parents of Tororo community organised by Foundation for Open Development (FOD)-all under the ALiVE/Uwezo parental engagement dialogue drive on theme; modeling problem-solving behaviour held from 26^th -31^st May 2025.

Challenges to Consistent Modeling: Poverty, Time, and Tradition

However, the dialogues also laid bare significant challenges parents face in being consistent role models. “Time poverty” is a universal barrier. In Kampala's Kirombe community, a male participant cited that “time to sit with children is scarce”, while another parent of Bunga community lamented on being so busy to create time for their children-as more time is spent to fend for her family needs. Poverty[1] of need, also adds immense pressure, as vividly described in Tororo's Kanyakor community. Here, parents grappling with land shortages, food insecurity, and the devastating consequences illustrated by stories like a child drowning while swimming out of necessity or boredom, struggle to model calm problem-solving when survival is paramount. As one Tororo participant noted, “being resilient is to keep insisting in doing something till you achieve what you intend to get e.g. raising up children in hard situation or moments of scarcity”. The strain manifests in negative modeling too, such as the father in Kirombe community whose drunken tempers forced his wife to model stoic silence for their children, hoping they would learn how to handle similar situations when they are married. “I have a drinking husband. At times he picks up a quarrel with me when drunk. As a mother I stay calm without exchanging words no matter how much he insults me in the presence of our children. In so doing my children will know how to handle similar situations when they are married.” This is one such heartbreaking example of modeling survival amidst adversity, albeit not a healthy conflict resolution. Parenting styles themselves can hinder modeling. As noted in Bunga community, some parents pamper their children without guiding them while others are very strict that children even fear to ask them questions. Sheema district specifically highlighted a gender gap, observing that male parents didn’t bond more with their children compared to female parents, with children often more fearful of fathers, thus limiting open dialogue essential for observing thought processes.

The Village Steps In: Community as Co-Model

The African context profoundly shapes this modeling dynamic. It is not solely the nuclear family's responsibility; the wider community plays an integral role. Religious leaders are key actors. In Bunga community, an Imam [Muslim leader] criticised poor leadership as negative modeling, while in Tororo, church leaders were seen as vital for providing spiritual guidance and moral frameworks relevant to problem-solving. One cultural participant in Tororo, framed resilience within a communal context. A Local Council official (LC) in Kyabigo community in Sheema district also acknowledged their role, committing to mobilise parents and address community-level issues like children staying out late. The dialogues themselves, facilitated by ALiVE and partners like Uwezo Uganda, become community modeling platforms–where parents share strategies, challenging harmful-norms (like gender stereotypes around cooking in Kirombe community), and holding each other accountable. Facilitators in these dialogues have driven the point-home by emphasising a collective effort - arguing that dialogues are specifically designed to reinforce what parents already know. To this end, parents were encouraged to share what is working. The head teacher in Oyam's Nursing Quarter community rightly pointed out the need to extend this modeling ethos to schools, highlighting the ecosystem required.

Transformative Shifts: Parents Embracing the Role

The transformative power of conscious modeling shines through in parents' reflections. A Kampala mother resolved, "I have to start modelling problem-solving at an early stage. I shouldn't wait for them to grow." Similarly, a father realised, "I have been so harsh on my children but I have learnt to always be calm." Others committed to start teaching children without alcohol in Oyam and to tell the truth instead of perpetuating myths like the money-giving rat for lost teeth-a case of Kirombe community. The simple act of a Tororo widow, demonstrating resilience for 20 years to educate her children, is a testament to silent, powerful modeling.

Conclusion: The Lived Curriculum

ALiVE's drive across East Africa taps into a fundamental truth-that is; children are astute observers. They learn problem-solving not primarily through lectures, but by watching how their parent’s navigate marital disputes, financial hardship, community gossip, ethical dilemmas, and daily chores. They learn from seeing parents admit mistakes (like the mother from Kirombe community who apologised for the tooth fairy lie), seek help (as parents did in Oyam's Nursing Quarter community), remain calm under pressure (exemplified by a mother in Bunga community), break down problems (through Oyam's hands-on budgeting exercises), and persevere (as demonstrated by Tororo's widow). The district dialogues reveal both the immense potential and the significant hurdles–from urban time constraints and social pressures to rural poverty and ingrained parenting styles. Overcoming these requires more than individual parental will; it demands community support, recognition of cultural contexts, and addressing systemic barriers like poverty. When parents model solutions authentically–whether investigating rumors calmly, tasking children with selling Sesame seeds to develop financial problem-solving, or persisting against all odds–they lay the foundation for a resilient generation equipped with critical thinking and practical skills to navigate an uncertain future. This embodies ALiVE's vision of an East Africa where all children are equipped with life skills and values, to support their learning, working, and living. The most powerful curriculum is lived daily, with one modeled solution at a time.

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